I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
