I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
