Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
