My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
