Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
