I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
