why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
