I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
