Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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