this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
