I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
