I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
