I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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