i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
