wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
True strength comes from lack of pants
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
