I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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