Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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