I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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