I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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