i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
