im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
