Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
