I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
