Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
