I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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