So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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