Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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