I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
