I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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