apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
