I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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