just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize
