But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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