I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
No subtext here. People are naked.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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