i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
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