i wish peter jackson would direct porn
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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