Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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