Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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