my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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