What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
