she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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