dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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