just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
