WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I looked at my own cervix.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
is that a dick in a sweater?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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