I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
