I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
