something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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