Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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