Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
