Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
