Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
