On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
