So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
