I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
