All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
