dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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