Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
