Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
