My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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