I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
