he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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