:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
