so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
