We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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