the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
