I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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