I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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