All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
