I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
