I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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