someone threw a dead crab at me
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
