My first STD was from a foam party
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
