you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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