After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I had to cum in my sink.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
