she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
