So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
is wine microwaveable?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
