need another drink. this is the easiest way
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
