My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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