I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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