He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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