dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
