Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
