You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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