1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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