can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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