Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
