so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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