it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize