Just fell off a train. Bad.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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